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Survivor Poll Confirms Russell Hantz As Greatest All-Time Player

By Daniel George

SAN JUAN DEL SIR - AUGUST 23: Russell Hantz, of the Zapatera tribe, has his torch snuffed out by Jeff Probst, during tribal council, during the third episode of Survivor: Redemption Island, Wednesday, March 2 (8:00 - 9:00 PM ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. (Photo by Monty Brinton/CBS via Getty Images)
SAN JUAN DEL SIR - AUGUST 23: Russell Hantz, of the Zapatera tribe, has his torch snuffed out by Jeff Probst, during tribal council, during the third episode of Survivor: Redemption Island, Wednesday, March 2 (8:00 - 9:00 PM ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. (Photo by Monty Brinton/CBS via Getty Images) /
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Using the most scientifically sound measures possible, a recent poll has confirmed that Russell Hantz is the greatest Survivor player ever.

Always the controversial figure, Russell Hantz has an odd place in Survivor history. However, according to the latest poll from research firm AFD, Russell Hantz has emerged as the overall favorite for the 6,969 polled participants.

With 20.05% of the vote to lead all individual players, he finished 4.20% ahead of second-place finisher Boston Rob Mariano (like it was drawn up in his dreams). For the third-place finisher, Benjamin “Coach” Wade, he received 6.9% of the total vote.

Other Survivor players to have received more than one percent of the vote include NaOnka Mixon with 1.337%, Dreamz Herd with 2.008%, lifelong Blackberry fan Shane Powers with 6.66% of the vote and Lillian Morris with 6.17%.

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“Damn, really?” Russell Hantz said in reaction to the news. “I always thought that Jeff Probst didn’t care about me anymore, but here I am proving the haters wrong once again! This just proves that Survivor needs to give America a percentage of the vote for Sole Survivor, otherwise the ratings will get ‘swamped’ (or destroyed) by comparison to the ratings machine, RH.”

“Remember, kids; always keep hope alive and someday, you, too, can become the greatest Survivor player in history! Make Survivor Great Again!”

Next: Survivor Game Changers: Ranking All 33 Previous Seasons

When reached for comment, the show’s producers had no comment to say, because we didn’t ask them. This is obviously an April Fools’ Day story, if you weren’t tipped off already. Just look at all the bolded letters in this “story!” The real Survivor Game Changers will continue next Wednesday at 8 p.m. ET with episode 6, “Vote Early, Vote Often.”

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